Femme Forlorn, Start Exploring Your Femininity

Posted by Iman Abdul on


"Soft girl", "sprinkle sprinkle", and "spoiled gf" are terms buzzing about and pollinating all over the world. Some have called these concepts regressive, devolved, and misogynistic. Though I would never deem myself the authority on regressive, devolved, and misogynist ideas, I frankly disagree. Even more so, I think that the people referring to the idea of women being provided for and supported as regressive, devolved, and misogynistic are the true misogynists. Women are not men. Women are not equal to men because women are not comparable to men. Men are simple machines, women are complex cyclical beings that require constant maintenance and care. The new popularity of an "old fashioned" way of life is reflective of women's exhaustion. Why are so many women exhausted? The short sighted and unrealistic ideas pumped into women's joining of the workforce have left men in a constant position of gain and women in a constant position of stress and loss. Women, the people responsible for keeping the human race alive, are now being asked to work through pregnancy, power through periods, and so this all within the male labor cycle. Our bodies cannot sustain like this. This article is not about women's health, and I will not be discussing it further. I am simply sharing this to make you aware that women wanting to go back to being provided for is not a silly whim as so many perceive it, but instead a response to the unhealthy (physically and mentally) environment that is the current experience of women in the workplace.  I could also talk about my countless experiences being verbally abused by ungoverned males in corporate environments, but that would distract from the point of this article as well. I bring it up to say again, that there is nothing silly about women wanting to be provided for and to exist environments that are conducive to our overall health. If you still think this concept is silly, misogynistic, or regressive, I implore you to click out because what I'm about to share is frankly and kindly, beyond you. 



Now that I know you are in the proper headspace to comprehend what I'm about to share, I'd like to share 5 ways to begin talking to yourself about your femininity and the needs surrounding it. 


  1. Ask yourself where you feel at peace. Make sure you are being real with yourself when you ask and answer this question. Think about what peace means and how it feels. Ask yourself if you've ever been at peace. If you find that you've never been at peace, take steps to explore what peace is. Example: I personally am at peace in spaces that exalt creativity and consciousness. 
  2. Understand your cycle. Track through beginning and end of your menstrual cycle. Monitor yourself every day and journal it. When are you lethargic? When do you need more time to sleep? How does exercise affect your body throughout your cycle? This will help you know what your body needs and how to cater to yourself. Ex: I don't lift weights the week before my period because my body cannot manage the work and I get sick. 
  3. Understand your relationship with women. What does being a woman mean to you? What does the female community mean to you? Are you harboring hurt that makes you resent being a woman? Ask yourself questions like this and more to both improve your relationship with your femininity and your relationship with the female community. 
  4. Understand your relationship with men. If you were born after 1990, you've likely been told that you don't need men and that they are awful in some way. These can be true, but they don't help us fulfill our needs. Find out what you dislike in the men you've encountered, what you do like in the men you've encountered, and understand what you need in the men you will allow into your life in the future.  
  5. Have an honest conversation with yourself about your pain. You cannot exist in peace if you are not processing your pain. The body keeps score. What is hurting you? What hurts you? How do you manage that? Don't run, don't hide, face it head on, so you can live a peaceful life. 

← Older Post